The Benefits of Virginity

Technically, a "virgin" is someone who has never had sexual intercourse. However, as discussed in When Am I Ready?, virginity encompasses several ideas about waiting for all sexual activity--petting and oral sex included. But virginity isn't saying no to sex so much as saying yes to a full life.

Virgins don't think sex is bad; to virgins, sex is worth the wait. Most virgins plan on having sex; they're just waiting for someone special. Virgins are not frigid, non-sexual creatures from an alien planet. A virgin simply has not yet engaged in sexual activity.

We all have sexual desire. We express desire in different ways; virgins realize sexual desire doesn't have to be expressed whenever there is opportunity. While sexual activity can be an incredibly positive experience, virgins recognize it can be just as negative under the wrong circumstances. Think of virginity like going to college: yes, you can get a job with a high school diploma-- and college is harder, extra work-- but ultimately, by postponing satisfaction a little while (getting a job in this case), one likely ends up with something much better. Of course, virginity doesn't guarantee a good life, but it does promise:

• No one gets pregnant. Obviously, you cannot get pregnant without engaging in sexual activity, certain modern medical procedures excepted.
• You will not catch STDs. There's no way to catch a sexually transmitted infection if you don't engage in sexual activity (note: oral sex can transmit STDs).
• Your mind will be free from worry. By consciously committing not to engage in sexual activity, you won't have to worry about sexual decisions because you've already made them. You won't have to worry how far is too far because you've already made that decision.
• Your boyfriend or girlfriend will respect you more. By choosing not to engage in sexual activity, you show you respect yourself enough to set your expectations high. For someone who can't control himself virginity is intimidating, and for someone who only wants sex virginity is infuriating, but are these the people you want? Do you really want a long series of relationships, or would you rather have the one you really want? For the person who shares your beliefs about intimacy and sexuality, you will be very special indeed. Virginity frees you from the unnecessary pain of broken chains of relationships.
• You can take charge of your life and live as you dream. Sexual activity often creates a dependency in people, and without maturity and commitment, people lose control emotionally and suffer all variety of personal and relationship problems. By choosing not to engage in sexual activity, you are insuring you remain in control of your own destiny until you decide someone is right for you.

Virginity can be difficult, but most would agree it's easier than teenage parenthood. And sexual purity isn't intended to last forever; however, it is important to wait until you are mature enough to understand. Although it can be hard to abstain, most find their experience worth the wait. This isn't so for those who rush ahead.

Besides, there are plenty of fun activities that aren't sexual: going to the movies, sharing a candlelit dinner, taking long walks on the beach, staring into each other's eyes, hiking at a state park, miniature golf, talking, kissing-- you will only get bored if you refuse to be creative.

Most people who start having sex are not in long-term, serious, committed relationships. Instead, they probably have dated about six months, are seriously curious about sex, and "love" the person (really just like, see What is love?). Unfortunately, after sex the romance disappears. These people discover their partners will have nothing to do with them.

Many teenage sexual encounters are unplanned. Often, at least one party isn't sure something is going to happen until it does. This is dangerous. Sexual activity should not be this way. Discuss all sexual activities with your partner prior to doing anything. This can be uncomfortable, but if it's too hard to talk about, you definitely shouldn't be doing it.