As it turns out, there are a lot of problems with the "be yourself" theory:

1. It's hard to find yourself.
2. You may find that who you are isn't who you like.
3. You may find who you are isn't who $guys like.
4. You may waste a lot of time and end up with nothing.

I understand how you feel. There's a lot of crap out there about how you can change your life a little bit (be yourself, or, be 'more' of yourself) and then suddenly you'll have girls and guys everywhere begging you to go out with them. That doesn't happen, so let's get real:

Teenage life isn't particularly straightforward. Your body changes, and as you mature you develop new and different types of feelings for all kinds of people. You have many different types of crushes during your teenage years. Some of these are good to act on, some aren't. But you obviously can't date everybody you crush on-- but if you could, looking back, that would probably be worse. Sometimes limits are a wonderful thing.

As people grow, their feelings do the same roundabout transformation. They "love" you one week, they "hate" you the next. But that's not really love or hate: that's just crushing, the mindless firing of the nerves and hormones.

The awful truth is that it's hard to get a good boyfriend/girlfriend. Obviously-- if it was super easy, wouldn't almost everybody? So what separates those who have great partners from those who don't?

Being yourself is a start. Yeah, you may think you're too outspoken, or shy, or ugly-- get over yourself. There's nothing "cool" about hating your body. You shouldn't think you're God's gift to men or women, but you shouldn't be hating on yourself, either.

If you don't like who you are, fine-- do what you can to change it-- but don't lie. Don't fake it. Don't change because somebody else wants you to. Do it for yourself.

Great boyfriends and girlfriends aren't easy to find, but you can make the search easier or harder on yourself. It hinges on where you choose to look.

For example, you're looking for the perfect partner. Do you think he or she is more likely found
A. at a dance, where you "hook up" for a few hours and exchange numbers
B. falling out of the sky, at just the right moment
C. in a friend, a someone you've known forever and grown to care for

Note that you *could* find the perfect partner in all three of the above situations. It's incredibly rare, but possible, that the guy or gal you hook up with for a one-night stand ends up being your soul mate. It's even rarer, though still possible, for someone to parachute into your life with a proposal. But it's a lot more likely you fall in love with a friend, or at least someone you know well.

On the other hand, you can look too hard for the perfect person. If you have a huge checklist of all the things your lover needs to be, take a hard look at that list. What's really important? Is loyalty? Honesty? Blue eyes?

Let's be honest here: who are you as a person? Are you this total dreamboat, perfect in every way? Your body, your personality, your character-- all without a single flaw?

No, of course not. So don't expect the one you date to be perfect either. But are you honest, caring, and sincere? Then look for someone who's honest, caring, and sincere. Opposites attract initially, but those who feel the same on many things stay together a lot longer.

There is no magic potion to make people fall in love-- and I assumed when I wrote this article that you were actually looking for a serious relationship, not just a casual fling. In fact, through this whole website I assume your goal is to find someone you love and care about, who loves and cares about you.

If you're just looking for something casual and carefree, the rules are different. You don't have to try as hard. You can be fake and get away with it. But in the end, a few weeks later, you're left with less than what you started with.

A real romance keeps giving back in memories long after you and your partner have said goodbye.

Rome wasn't built in a day. And it isn't easy to "find yourself"-- it's a lifelong process. However, if you work at it, you can find someone who likes you for you.

Of course, sometimes discovering yourself can be difficult. Try keeping a journal. You can do it at home, in a notebook, or you can try putting a journal online.