Age gap, distance, doubts...
Hi, so I have a problem. There's quite a lot of explaining...
I have a 20-year-old friend, S, who I see once every week because he's a helper at an elderly home I help out at every week along with some other kids at my school, and when he added me on MSN, he also added me on his friend's MSN. So I ended up talking to his friend J, who is also 20. I'm turning 16 in 18 days by the way. J, after talking to me for the third time on MSN said that he liked me, and wants to visit me. I'd be nice to meet him. BUT:
- I don't know what S would think of J and I meeting up (if we do) and the fact that J says he's interested in me. He does know that we've talked and that J asked to meet me. I told him then I didn't know if it could happen. I don't know if he knows J is interested in me.
- My parents don't usually let me go out on my own...they're pretty protective. The exception is if I'm going somewhere with friends. So how would I go out to see J? Should I lie? I'd feel guilty...should I just avoid meeting him?
- I'm a little worried about the age gap...could J just be playing around with me? Maybe he has a girlfriend and is just looking to have a fling with me. :S But S says he's a gentleman, and I am willing to trust him…
- J lives 30-45 minutes away from me, and has a job. He has told me he has a day off every week, but I'm not sure if he has any other free time.
I've never had a real boyfriend before, and I'm kind of scared to let myself like J completely at the moment, because of these problems. It'd be nice if I could have a little less to worry about. So yeah... I’d love to have ANY advice, from anyone. I'd appreciate it a lot. If anything about my explanation is confusing, don't hesitate to ask. I'd love if you could help solve some of these problems.
THANK YOU :)
-- Christina
I hate to say this, but...
- I don't know what S would think of J and I meeting up (if we do) and the fact that J says he's interested in me.
It definitely could affect your friendship, particularly if you and J end up together. Usually this makes the friendship worse rather than better, but you never know what will happen.
- My parents don't usually let me go out on my own...they're pretty protective.
You shouldn't lie to your parents. If you start the relationship with a lie, it will be harder and harder to continue it later. If you end up dating, eventually you will have to tell your parents. They will probably have some questions, including "How did you meet?" If you're really good at lying, you could try it, but otherwise you're probably going to get caught and the consequences for that can be pretty bad.
Of course, I don't know how your parents would react.
- I'm a little worried about the age gap...could J just be playing around with me?
Here's the bad news. Yes, he's probably playing with you. You only talked three times on MSN and he said he liked you? And you've never even met? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I want to say this clearly, since you've never had a boyfriend: this guy is probably bad news. He's between four and five years older than you. He's been working for a few years, and you're still in high school.
His wants and idea of a good time are probably a lot different than yours. Even if he doesn't have a girlfriend, there's a good chance he is only interested in having sex with you. Guys like to be the first.
Now, he might be a great guy. But, you don't know that yet-- and that's what you need to remember. So if you do choose to pursue a relationship with him, make sure you 1) tell your parents, so if anything happens they won't be totally in the dark 2) tell some of your friends- people that you feel comfortable with and *trust* for advice and 3) take things slow.
Play it safe. It's your first time to get a boyfriend. If he's a good guy, he'll go slow with you. If he won't, well, that's how you protect yourself.