What is the secret? The secret is:
The beauty of this secret is that it can be applied by anyone, anywhere, in any situation. But it takes a lot of time and work.
I know you want an easy way. But if there was an easy way, someone would have found it by now and they'd be telling everybody, and everybody would be doing it. There is no easy way.
What is this incredible secret? I bet you think it's really lame. The secret is to be yourself.
It doesn't seem to be a secret at all, really. But we often forget that honesty is a huge turn-on. Do you want somebody who likes you because you're trying to be someone else? Heck no-- you want someone who likes you for who you are!
Do you want to be fake? Do you want someone to fall in love with you, then realize you're not the one he or she fell in love with-- the person fell in love with whoever you were pretending to be?
There is no way to dress, act, talk, or walk except your own. Don't settle for someone else's version of your life! Get the real deal.
Live the life you've always wanted! Ever thought it would be nice to have somebody who was _________? You can! Stop listening to the people that shoot you down and start living life your way.
Ever wanted to try something, but never could because someone said it was stupid or you'd never be good at it? Forget them! If you want to try something new-- something you-- go for it!
Frustrated by what somebody "expects" from you? Lose them! Be who you are-- do what you want-- and let them like or dislike you for that.
But "being yourself" isn't easy.
As it turns out, there are a lot of problems with the "be yourself" theory:
I understand how you feel. There's a lot of crap out there about how you can change your life a little bit (be yourself, or, be 'more' of yourself) and then suddenly you'll have girls and guys everywhere begging you to go out with them. That doesn't happen, so let's get real:
Teenage life isn't particularly straightforward. Your body changes, and as you mature you develop new and different types of feelings for all kinds of people. You have many different types of crushes during your teenage years. Some of these are good to act on, some aren't. But you obviously can't date everybody you crush on-- but if you could, looking back, that would probably be worse. Sometimes limits are a wonderful thing.
As people grow, their feelings do the same roundabout transformation. They "love" you one week, they "hate" you the next. But that's not really love or hate: that's just crushing, the mindless firing of the nerves and hormones.
The awful truth is that it's hard to get a good boyfriend/girlfriend. Obviously-- if it was super easy, wouldn't almost everybody? So what separates those who have great partners from those who don't?
Being yourself is a start. Yeah, you may think you're too outspoken, or shy, or ugly-- get over yourself. There's nothing "cool" about hating your body. You shouldn't think you're God's gift to men or women, but you shouldn't be hating on yourself, either.
If you don't like who you are, fine-- do what you can to change it-- but don't lie. Don't fake it. Don't change because somebody else wants you to. Do it for yourself.
Great boyfriends and girlfriends aren't easy to find, but you can make the search easier or harder on yourself. It hinges on where you choose to look.
For example, you're looking for the perfect partner. Do you think he or she is more likely found
A. at a dance, where you "hook up" for a few hours and exchange numbers
B. falling out of the sky, at just the right moment
C. in a friend, a someone you've known forever and grown to care for
Note that you *could* find the perfect partner in all three of the above situations. It's incredibly rare, but possible, that the guy or gal you hook up with for a one-night stand ends up being your soul mate. It's even rarer, though still possible, for someone to parachute into your life with a proposal. But it's a lot more likely you fall in love with a friend, or at least someone you know well.
On the other hand, you can look too hard for the perfect person. If you have a huge checklist of all the things your lover needs to be, take a hard look at that list. What's really important? Is loyalty? Honesty? Blue eyes?
Let's be honest here: who are you as a person? Are you this total dreamboat, perfect in every way? Your body, your personality, your character-- all without a single flaw?
No, of course not. So don't expect the one you date to be perfect either. But are you honest, caring, and sincere? Then look for someone who's honest, caring, and sincere. Opposites attract initially, but those who feel the same on many things stay together a lot longer.
There is no magic potion to make people fall in love-- and I assumed when I wrote this article that you were actually looking for a serious relationship, not just a casual fling. In fact, through this whole website I assume your goal is to find someone you love and care about, who loves and cares about you.
If you're just looking for something casual and carefree, the rules are different. You don't have to try as hard. You can be fake and get away with it. But in the end, a few weeks later, you're left with less than what you started with.
A real romance keeps giving back in memories long after you and your partner have said goodbye.
Rome wasn't built in a day. And it isn't easy to "find yourself"-- it's a lifelong process. However, if you work at it, you can find someone who likes you for you.
Of course, sometimes discovering yourself can be difficult. Try keeping a journal. You can do it at home, in a notebook, or you can try putting a journal online.
Most "life planning" advice can be summarized into a single expression: Do what's important now.
It may sound simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. How often do you think, "I should've handled this differently," or, "I shouldn't be so mean," or, "I should get to know my mom better"-- how many times do you think those thoughts, and yet not do those things? Sometimes the simplest things are the trickiest.
A life of regrets is a bad life. A life of action is a good one. Now just because you act doesn't mean you'll do the right thing-- you'll screw up plenty-- but if you never act, you'll never know, and if you never do, you'll never have a chance. So what if you mess up? Try again. Do it differently-- but don't just give up. If you don't act, nothing will ever get done.
Whether you think you can or can't-- you're right. --Henry Ford
What do you do? As a teen you have a lot of free time, and there are the traditional activities: school, sports, TV, friends, and church. If you're happy with what you have, great, but if not, take a look around. See the suffering in this world: your friends, your family, the hungry, the homeless... Isn't there something you can do?
A lot of times you see an opportunity but you put it off because it would be "too hard" or "too much work." Don't make that mistake. Follow your heart in all you do. Sure, one person can't do it all, but one person can do enough-- enough to make a difference.
The work you do doesn't have to be big to be good. A lot of times you see a huge achievement and think, "Well, I'd like to do something like that, but I'd never have the time." That's not true! No one sits down and does a big achievement all at once. Those that do great things just do little things consistently.
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. --Lao Tzu
If you have a large task, break it down. Take it day by day. You can't do it all at once anyway, so it's a lot easier to look at what you can do now rather than stare immobilized at the whole thing.
If you live for the future you're going to be unhappy. Live in the now; don't worry about what is to come. You don't decide what happens in life; you decide how you react to it. Be mindful of where you are, make the best choices you can, and always do what you think is right. That is the path to happiness.
In your life, you should feel that you have time to yourself. If you're always busy, that's a problem. What are you doing that you don't need to be? Even if you're only doing things you love, if you feel bad about life you're doing too much. Give something up. Only by letting go will you find the way.
There is a modern idea that being busy is a virtue-- that somehow, when you don't have time for yourself or anybody else, you're doing the right thing. Wrong! Wake up! If you don't have time for yourself or anybody else, why even bother being alive?
Take time to yourself every day. What you do during this time doesn't matter, but set aside at least fifteen minutes daily to collect yourself. Keep a journal, pray, listen to music, meditate-- do what relaxes you. If you work too hard without taking a break, you'll lose sight of who you are and what you should be doing.
What do you want to do when you grow up? Don't know? Neither do I! Questions like that are loaded. You can't determine the future.
Guys are only interested in girls that have big boobs and a tight butt. Girls only want guys that play at least three sports, and are good at all of them. Guys never care about deep conversation, and they certainly don't have any non-superficial feelings. Girls have to wear makeup to be attractive.
There are a lot of superficial people, sure. But what about the rest of us?
It's hard to find the right person for you, but you can make the search easier on yourself. It hinges on where you choose to look.
Pop quiz: you're looking for the perfect match. Do you think he or she is more likely found:
A. at a dance, where you "hook up" for a few hours and exchange numbers
B. falling out of the sky, at just the right moment
C. in a friend, someone you've known for awhile and grown to care for
You *could* find the perfect person in all three of the above situations (in my case, it was B). It's incredibly rare, but possible, that the one you hook up with for a one-night stand ends up being your soul mate. It's even rarer, though still possible, for someone to parachute into your life with a proposal. But it's a lot more likely you fall in love with a friend, or at least someone you know well.
Unfortunately in romance, doing all the right things is no guarantee of success. Love is unpredictable. But that means you have to decide what you want. Don't settle for less.
On the other hand, you can look too hard for the "perfect" person. Making lists of everything you want is-- let's face it-- pretty immature. Think about what you really want-- honesty, loyalty a good body-- and take the time to figure out what that means for you. When should you be honest in a relationship, and when shouldn't you? The questions apply to you as much as to your partner.
If you're still having trouble with perfection, think of it this way: who are you as a person? Are you this total dreamboat, perfect in every way? Your body, your personality, your character-- all without a single flaw?
No, of course not. So don't expect your date to be perfect either. But are you honest, caring, and sincere? Then look for someone who's honest, caring, and sincere. Opposites attract initially, but those who feel the same on many things stay together a lot longer.
There is no magic potion to make people fall in love-- and I assumed when I wrote this article that you were actually looking for a serious relationship, not just a casual fling. In fact, through this whole website I assume your goal is to find someone you love and care about, who loves and cares about you.
If you're just looking for something casual and carefree, the rules are different. You don't have to try as hard. You can be fake and get away with it. But in the end, a few weeks later, you're left with less than what you started with.
A real romance keeps giving back in memories long after you and your partner have said goodbye.
No, true love isn't easy to find, and it takes a long time. Love takes a long time. Rome wasn't built in a day. And it isn't easy to "find yourself", either-- it's a lifelong process. However, if you work at it, and you stay true to your own heart, you can find the one who likes you for you.