Unfortunately, sex is surrounded by hype, and many things people say simply aren't true. Here we'll examine some of the most common myths.
Sometimes your crush doesn't feel for you, or care as much as you do for him or her. It's tempting to get sexual to make him/her more interested. Since he/she's your crush, you're fantasizing anyway, and it's better to have him/her want you sexually than not to want you at all, right?
Wrong. Getting involved sexually when you're not on the same page emotionally is the worst thing you can do. Having sex/messing around may be satisfying to him/her, and it may be fun for you, but you will also become more involved emotionally. You'll like him/her better and want a relationship more badly. He or she will enjoy the sexual activity for awhile, but then you'll have to go farther to keep his/her interest. Once you've gone all the way, it won't be too long before he/she loses interest and starts looking for someone else. You're left with a huge emotional commitment that isn't reciprocated. He or she walks away. Don't do this to yourself.
You can't make someone love you; you can only wait and try to find one who does. However, sex is not the way to look. Trying to find love through sex is like trying to find sunlight by digging a hole in the basement floor.
Find someone who really cares first; then consider sexual activity. Using sex as "bait" will only hook you, leaving the person free. Don't hurt yourself like this. You can find someone who truly loves you; you don't need to use your body to get affection. Look for someone who likes you first; find someone who respects you fully without sex as an option. Then you'll find love (for more about this, see What Is Love?).
This is the oldest line in the book. Of course people (especially guys) say this: over the years tricksters have learned by saying something "sweet" (I won't do anything you don't want me to; I love you so much I want to do this with you), they actually have a better chance of getting sex. However, this doesn't mean they care any more than those who simply demand it; they are just deceptive. Don't fall for it.
People who really respect you don't need to say so. They may reassure you when you're feeling down, but they won't push you sexually until you say "no" and then begin pressuring you again a few minutes later. They won't say "I love you" and then try to get their hands up your shirt (or down your pants).
Make everyone wait: the ones who truly care will stay regardless, and those looking only for a sexual "quick fix" will soon be gone. You deserve better than lying slime, but it's up to you to insist on that.
Some people use sex to rebel. They think by using their bodies as sexual weapons, they can gain power. Notching their belts like the bad boys, they are so cool, throwing off the shackles of their parents, churches, and indeed the entire institution of society. Or so they think.
Rebelling against your parents with premarital sex-- when they likely had premarital sex-- isn't that rather stupid? And having sex to prove yourself worthwhile to someone is just giving in. Sex is not a social statement; it's an intimate, personal act. "Rebellion" will only compromise yourself while submitting and conforming you to others-- the exact thing you're trying to avoid!
Why not be a real rebel and wait? Don't give in to your critics; hold out for the person who loves you, and refuse to settle for anything less. If you want people to envy you, few things are wished for more than virginity.
Have your rebellion; that's normal. But don't compromise yourself by trying to "prove" something. That just hurts you.
An older boyfriend or girlfriend can be great: he or she is more developed physically, more mature, wealthier (maybe), he or she can drive... Unfortunately, older boyfriends and girlfriends are usually looking for just one thing: sex, and they're less hesitant than their younger counterparts to get it.
Of course, not all older guys and girls are looking to score. However, most older people who treat their boyfriends and girlfriends well are dating someone their own age. Truly mature older guys date mature, older girls, and vice versa. Your best match is very likely someone your own age. Besides, it's hard to date someone three or more years older simply because of the experience gap.
There are some younger/older relationships that work. Unfortunately, most don't.
Some college students compete to see how many high school kids they can get. Of course, they're very sweet about it: they'll say how pretty you are, how much they like you, how special you are, and they'll buy you nice things, and maybe even say they love you-- but if you don't give them action, they'll start to complain. After all, it's not you they want; it's what they can get from you.
Is this the kind of relationship you want? Tell these jerks to take the hike they deserve. Look for a sweet person closer to your age. You'll be much more successful.
Sometime in our lives most of us get sex-crazy. Suddenly we are not content with what we've done, and we search eagerly for new sexual opportunities. We think "virginity: what's the big deal?" We become so curious about sex we don't care what happens; we just want to find what it's all about.
To jump into sexual activity just because you woke up aroused is a big mistake. The feelings are just a phase. Sexual experience affects a lifetime.
Don't lose your head just because you have strong sexual desire. It will pass whether you act or not-- but if you act prematurely, you may have many regrets. Spare yourself the pain.
People sometimes decide it's "time" to have sex, as if they're too old to be virgins. But virginity isn't about being a certain age; virginity is about waiting for someone who cares. Cares how much? That's for you to decide, but once you do decide, don't sell yourself short. You can have the person you want; sometimes it just takes a little while. That's an understatement. However, rushing with someone you don't care so much for will only leave a trail of regret. And that's the truth.