We all experience love differently, but though love shapes us many ways, it shapes us with the same style. While love can feel beyond words, there are some things to be said about it.
Love is great. Love makes life beautiful. Love makes life wonderful. But love isn't everything. Love makes difficulties more bearable, but love cannot solve your problems.
Love has two components: friendship and sexual attraction. Friendship is shared interests, day to day conversations, and a blanket of caring that warms you both. Sexual attraction is the physical charge between your bodies-- crushes, flirting, fantasy, and physical contact. It's the nervous feeling in your stomach before talking to the person, your heart beating faster the moment you see him or her, and the magic waves of emotion at his or her touch. Friendship is being able to talk about anything without fear of judgment and knowing he/she will be there for you.
Friendship makes love "true." Without friendship's caring, relationships are only sexual. While "zero commitment" may sound fun, it usually isn't. Once you start messing around sexually you want him (or her) to care, but if he/she didn't care to begin with, messing around will only make him or her care less. People generally don't respect "easy" catches. You control the balance between friendship and sexual attraction.
Love is not a good reason to have sex. Lust is the desire to have sex. A lot of teens think having sex "proves" feelings, but if you're truly in love, the "proof" is your love. "Making love" doesn't make love; going farther sexually just means you can't restrain yourself from your body's desires, and that-- lust-- is not love.
Sexual experience has different levels: first base, second base, third base, etc.. Love has levels, too, but unlike sex, you can't "go all the way" with love. Love betters with time. The longer you love, the deeper you'll love-- totally opposite from forever-changing lust. Love will be there twenty years from now. Lust won't.
Love is tough and secure. With love, little things don't upset you. Unike crushing when you stress every time your guy or girl leaves the room, with love you know he or she is coming back to you.
Hugging your loved one you feel warm and comforted-- not "I want to get you into bed." Sure, in love you have sexual desire, but friendship is more important.
Crushes are wild. You do stupid, embarassing things around your crush. Love is experienced. In love your heart is calm and comfortable.
Having a crush is wanting to be with someone all the time. Love is wanting to be with a someone as much as possible. The difference is subtle: with a crush, you want the person even though he or she has flaws; in love, you accept his or her flaws as a necessary part of who he/she is-- you wouldn't have him or her any other way. Of course, that doesn't mean you won't get mad at him or her or dislike certain things about him/her or even have a screaming fit on occasion. It just means whatever happens, you'll love him/her all the same.
Love is the most glorious of emotions, but keep things in perspective. Not everything you feel while in love is love. There's a lot of pressure to have sex. Stand up to that! Feeling you want a "slow," thoughtful romance is natural-- and good! Too often society trivializes commitment. Don't let this happen; you know what's important. Show the world enjoying love doesn't mean having sex.
Relationships are a big commitment in both time and effort, requiring responsibility and maturity. Of course, in many ways, this is great: you can spend time with someone you have grown to care for and who cares for you while learning about other people and growing socially.
Yet consider commitment carefully. Don't commit yourself because you're desperate to have someone in your life. Don't "fall in love" with someone who treats you badly because only he or she seems to pay attention. You don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you can't handle living lonely, a relationship will make things worse, not better. You need to be able to live by yourself before you can live with others. You can't truly fall in love with someone else if you don't love yourself first.
We're eager to "fall in love" quickly, but what if you haven't found someone yet? Patience. Few people find real love during their teenage years. Love takes time.
But love is worth it! Imagine: someone who cares for you and knows everything about you and is willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy... Isn't that worth waiting for?
Don't pressure yourself to fall in love. You can't lie to your heart. You can't force yourself to fall in love any more than you can choose to like someone. Let nature run its course. Love will come in time.
Too often teens get jealous and make hasty (bad) decisions about romance. Because teenage life is the only life they've known, they falsely assume it's the only life they can know. Most things that seem a big deal now-- prom, cliques-- won't be issues later. Yes, you'll still worry about them, but put things in perspective: in the long run, little details don't matter.
A lot of times people look for love but settle for something else (sex). Love is hard to find if you're looking for it. With patience, though, it will find you! Waiting isn't easy, but it's better than settling for something else and being horribly disappointed. Teens who rush sex wonder "What's the big deal?" Teens who wait for love know what the big deal is. You will fall in love one day. Your choice is whether to wait or not.
If your relationship troubles you, maybe it's time to examine your situation more closely. Some things you can mistake for love are not.
Love isn't yielding to another's will. Some compromise is good, but submission is not. You shouldn't be sacrificing yourself. He or she shouldn't be hurting you. Love is NOT a reason to endure abuse. Love can be painful (as in the sense of missing someone you love or seeing them get hurt) but love is not an excuse to be hurt. No one who really loves you will pressure you to sleep with him or her, give him head (or eat her out), touch you where you do not want to be touched, or do any other thing you do not want to do. He or she will not insult you, call you worthless, or make fun of you. He or she will not laugh when you cry, and he/she will never hit you or cheat on you or talk bad about you behind your back.
Love is never an excuse for something bad; it is only a reason for something good. If you're in a bad relationship, get out. No one who really loves you will treat you badly, and you deserve love. It's hard to leave an abusive situation, but abuse doesn't get better with time; act now.
There is someone out there. Staying with someone who hurts will keep you from a guy or girl who loves you. Abusers often say, "I'm the only one who will ever put up with you; you won't get any better than me." That's a lie. The man or woman of your dreams awaits you. Dump this abusive loser to find him or her.
Jealousy is a common problem-- and a little bit is understandable; people are going to have a natural "protective" tendency triggered, and that's ok. However, if you feel trapped-- if this person starts to try to control your every move-- it's time to reconsider things. You don't want someone like that in your life. It's your life; you need to live it. Don't let anyone manipulate you.
Jealousy is like fire-- a little bit of heat can be nice sometimes, but too much is never good, and if it gets out of control you need to get away or you'll be burnt very badly.
Trust is the most important element in a relationship. Without trust, you have no ground to stand on. Loving, thoughtful conversations are an essential part of any relationship. If you feel uncomfortable talking with your partner about important issues, perhaps you should rethink things. Should you be with someone you can't communicate with?
Misunderstandings cause many problems. If something's wrong, speak up. You have a right to talk and be heard. If you are afraid to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend the truth, what are you afraid of? If you're afraid of him or her, you shouldn't be together. Everyone is troubled by guys or girls, but not like this; people in positive, healthy relationships are able to speak their minds freely.
The worst part of abuse is that it makes the victim feel responsible-- however, if you are abused, it is not your fault.
Hopefully you will never have to deal with abuse, but unfortunately, many do. If you are abused, you are not alone. There are many places you can get help, and you can read more about abuse. Please, don't hesitate-- I know it can be scary, but you don't have to live in fear. You can escape your situation.
Of course, if you are in love, wonderful! Just remember to take things slowly, and don't assume everything you feel while in love is love.
I wish you the very best.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the
truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13 4-8