A lot of people date guys and girls who do stuff they dislike, but when things become troublesome, these people rationalize their problems as "all guys (or girls) do that." Even though the relationship seems less than ideal, simply "having a boyfriend or girlfriend" becomes more important than having a good boyfriend/girlfriend. This kind of thinking can be very harmful.
Whichever example you choose, you always have at least one person on each side of the fence-- and usually a lot more. You can find someone strong who can treat you with respect, but if you're with someone who isn't good you need to have the courage to be single first. Yes, it's difficult to have the self-confidence to see that, but hopefully this checklist can help inspire someone to leave an abusive relationship.
Ditch the person right away. There is no excuse for him (or her) to hit/slap/grab/shake you-- ever. If you were playing around wrestling and it happened accidentally, that's understandable. If he (or she) got too angry and lost control, that's not. There is no reason to ever be with anyone who hurts you.
Sometimes people think, "Well, he (or she) loves me, and he/she's one of the few who does, so it's ok." It's not. If he or she is physically abusive, he/she doesn't love you. That hurts more, but hopefully through that pain you realize you must get away. Nothing good comes out of abusive relationships-- except you, if you get out.
It's very scary to leave someone, especially because you'll feel totally alone. Abusive people intentionally make you feel worthless without them. Don't believe the lies. Trust yourself. Believe you're a good person-- you are-- and trust you can find real love which doesn't hurt. You can.
There's someone nice for everybody. But the only way to find that good person later is to get out of your bad situation now.
Sexual abuse is just like physical abuse, except more damaging emotionally, and if it goes far enough you call it rape, not assault. But it doesn't matter how far it goes-- whether it's kissing, touching, oral, or sex, if he (or she) is doing it, and you don't want it, and you tell him (or her) no, he or she has to stop.
He (or she) controls his (or her) body; you control yours. There's no excuse for him/her to do things against your will. There's nothing you can do to "excite him/her" so much he/she isn't responsible for his own actions. Only your consent-- explicitly saying yes, while not under the influence of drugs-- makes anything ok. It's your choice. If it makes you uncomfortable, or you simply don't want to do it for any reason, you have every right to say no.
Clearly state your limits calmly but firmly. Make sure he or she knows what makes you comfortable. If the person won't stop, protest again, and if he or she continues to push, do what you can to escape. Fight if you can, but don't endanger your life. If you can't get away, and he or she forces sexual contact with you, that's rape. Tell someone. Yes, it's possible that girls can rape guys, even though usually it's the reverse.
If you do escape from him or her, don't say you're going to break up right away. Wait until you're safe at home, tell your parents, and then call for the break up. Don't get caught in a place where he or she could hurt you. People who push hard sexually are often physically violent. Don't become a victim.
Confront your fear, but not directly. Scaring you is the only way an abuser can control you.
If you fight occasionally, that's nothing to worry about; everybody gets into it once in awhile. If there are a few things about you that bother him (or her), though, and he or she's ALWAYS bringing them up, or he/she simply can't stop putting you down, now there is a problem. If he/she continually insults you, if he/she rarely compliments you, if he/she doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated-- dump him/her like the garbage he/she is. It doesn't matter how much he/she "cares" if he/she's always putting you down, because if he/she's putting you don't he/she doesn't really care. Don't be fooled by false tears.
Don't let him or her bullshit that he/she's a better person than you. It doesn't matter who he/she is, or who you are-- if you're in a loving relationship together, you're equals. No one should keep score on who's beating who. If he/she parades himself as superior, if he/she acts like he/she's too good for you-- let him/her go; he/she's not worth it. He/she doesn't love you; the person loves himself/herself, and he/she raises himself higher by pushing you down. Give this loser a reality check: do yourself a favor and break up with him/her.
Deal with name-calling the same way. If he/she acts like a jerk, he/she obviously doesn't care. No truly loving boyfriend or girlfriend seriously calls his or her boyfriend or girlfriend "bitch" or "slut" or "ho." Let him/her go, and make that decision final. When you trash him/her he/she may try to be sweet, begging for you to come back, promising he/she'll change, but don't fall for the lies. The only people who can really treat you right would never do that kind of stuff in the first place.
The same technique applies for jealousy: you should be able to date your boyfriend or girlfriend and still talk to other people. You should be able to get a hug from a male or female friend without him or her getting angry. You should be able to go somewhere without having to tell him or her exactly where you're going. He/she shouldn't accuse you of cheating without good cause. He/she shouldn't try to control your every move. If he/she can't handle being without you, he/she can't really handle being with you, either. This person doesn't trust you if he/she always has to grill you with twenty questions. But relationships are built on trust, so if this person doesn't trust you, you really don't have much of a relationship, at least from his/her side. He/she doesn't "love" you; he/she loves being in control. Drop your chains and get rid of him/her.
Gossiping about the person you're dating is a pretty dumb idea, but many people do it anyway. Don't take it. Now, in his or her defense, this is the least offensive of things on this list, but it's still bad, and it's still something you should say something about. Don't let it go-- tell him or her you disapprove, and it needs to stop. Dealing with problems later will be much easier if you start standing up for yourself now.
Let this person know early on he can't mess with you. You're tough, and when it comes to your body, you're in control.
No means no.
There are people who will treat you right-- people who would never make you think of looking at this list. But you won't find a person who heals if you stay with someone who hurts.