Your first time can be the moment you've waited your whole life for or the night you wish never happened. Planning makes the difference.
Right now, think of your future: what do you want your first sexual experience to be like? Do you want to lay comfortably in a large bed laced with flowers, candles burning, sharing gentle, precious time with the person you love? Or would you rather be rushed in the back seat of a car, desperate desire grinding you together with some anonymous (though hot) guy or girl? Would you rather have a relationship with life, or a one night stand?
Many teens believe in waiting until marriage, for love, or even "just through high school." If you yourself are waiting, please read The Sexiness of Virginity. If you're considering sexual activity "that's not sex", please read The Sex That Is Not Sex This present article assumes you are strongly considering sexual intercourse and deals with practical preparation regarding the big issues: STDs, pregnancy, and commitment.
Of course, the most practical preparation for sex is to make sure you're ready. Far too many people rush only to realize it's not sex they want, but love. Love isn't found through sex. If you want emotional commitment, jumping into physical commitment will only backfire.
If you learn about sex before you get involved, determine what sex means to you, hold this view over a long period of time, find someone you care about who cares about you, and you're certain this is a good choice, and you take your time and use birth control, then your first sexual experiences will likely largely be positive.
However, that's a lot of work just to have sex. That's the point! You shouldn't be involved "just" to have sex; you should have more in mind when you enter a relationship than how much "action" you can get. Sexual activity is fun, but it isn't everything, and if you're emotionally messed up sex will probably make you worse, not better. Sexual relationships initiated solely for sexual pleasure end up being dissatisfying because people want to get attached; generally people would rather have sex with someone they love than isolated encounters with nothing but physical feeling.
Of course, when your relationship is more than physical attraction-- with love, trust, honesty, and mutual respect-- you still don't "have" to have sex. There is no need to have sex just because you have feelings for the other person. There are plenty of other ways to express your emotion, many more intimate than intercourse itself. The joy of love can be expressed in poems, flowers, walks, massages, kisses-- the beauty is in the love, not the specifics of what you're doing.
Everybody's curious about sex. We all have sexual desire, and in some sense we all "experiment" sexually. However, thinking about sex and actually having sex are two entirely different things; there is a world of difference between reality and fantasy. In fantasy, sex is always good: there may be some complications, but somehow everything works out in the end. However, mistaking fantasy for reality causes problems. Real sex has real consequences, and by neglecting those consequences in your behavior you can really get hurt.
Carefully evaluate your options before you decide to engage in sexual activity. Do some research! Throughout this article I've provided links to websites covering a broad range of topics in sexuality. If you're going to have sex, you should know what you're getting involved in beforehand.
Although you can catch STDs from oral sex, they are most commonly transmitted through sexual intercourse. There are many different STDs: HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis, and herpes are but a few. Complications of STDs include discomfort, pain, itching, puss, sterility, and death. Unfortunately, most STDs have few symptoms until the advanced stages. You cannot be aware of your condition until you get tested.
If you are going to engage in sexual activity, use protection. Condoms don't guarantee you'll be safe, but they are 100% better than nothing.
Discuss sexual activity with your partner before having sex. Know your partner's limits and insure he or she knows what you are comfortable with. You should know what kind of past relationships the person has had. Trust is important; if you can't trust him or her, you shouldn't get sexually involved.
If either of you have had partners before, trust is not enough. Both of you should get tested for STDs. Many STDs have no symptoms until the advanced stages; you may be infected and not realize it. If he or she won't get tested, ditch him (or her). It's stupid to risk your life over sex. Sex is not an excuse to play it risky; sex is reason to be extra careful.
Both condoms and the pill are effective at preventing pregnancy, especially when you combine the two methods-- but for any birth control to be effective, you must use it properly every time. However, simply having sex can make you pregnant; that is, after all, the function of our sexual organs. A baby is a tremendous commitment: could you handle a child in your life?
Every teenage girl thinks, "It won't happen to me." But it can happen the very first time you have sex, even if you only have sex that once. Don't trivialize sex; this is your son or daughter.
Abortion can be an option, but is it, really? A few girls think, "I'll use protection, and if the condom breaks or the pill fails oh well, I'll just get an abortion." Whatever your stance, know this: no woman of feeling has one lightly. Evaluate post-abortion counseling services and you'll see how difficult this can be. If you must, you must, but it won't be an easy choice. The easy choice is to restrain your sexual desire and wait until you're older and better able to provide for yourself. Adoption is always an option too, especially if the thought of abortion is very troubling but you have no way to keep the child yourself.
Discuss sexual activity before you get involved. If it's too uncomfortable to talk about, you shouldn't be doing it. If you don't trust your partner enough, you shouldn't be doing it. If you have doubts, you shouldn't be doing it. You should discuss sex before you start doing it. Even if you've had sex before, start a conversation. If your partner can't talk to you, you shouldn't be having sex with him or her.
When you are discussing sex, ask your partner this: in the event of pregnancy, what would he or she do? If you don't feel comfortable asking, or if you're not entirely satisfied with his or her response, you shouldn't be having sex. Sex is the most intimate act two people can share; you should only have sex with someone you trust.
In general, teenage guys leave their pregnant girlfriends the majority of the time. You want to make sure your partner (or you) really will be there and isn't just saying so to get you into bed, and you want to be sure that, just in case, you could raise a child on your own anyway.
Are a few hours of pleasure worth all this trouble? You can have a lot of fun just kissing-- and kissing won't cause pregnancy. There's always opportunity to have sex later. Why rush now?
Those who rush sexual activity are ultimately disappointed. The promised fireworks just aren't there. Why? Half the fun in sex is the journey; holding hands and kissing can be more important than ever having sex.
Sexual intercourse is the ultimate expression of love. You can get a few cheap thrills from a stranger, but being with someone you care about is infinitely better. Anyone can have sex; love takes patience. Sex is better with love. Many find by rushing to see it all, they missed everything that made sex worthwhile.
As a biological process, a man inserts his penis into a woman's vagina, thrusts, ejaculates, and withdraws. The woman may or may not have an orgasm. What's such a big deal about that?
Sex can be "just" sex, but it can also express love. Which would you prefer?
Approaching sex from a "get as much as you can" standpoint disappoints. If you want to have an incredible, life-changing sexual experience, abstinence is best until you find that special someone to share yourself with. Having multiple sexual partners "for fun" is not just physically risky; it's emotionally dangerous.
What do you want out of life? You decide who to have sex with, and when. You decide whether to be responsible; you decide whether to use protection. You decide whether bringing a child into this world is an acceptable risk. You decide whether sexual activity at this point in your life is right. You will decide many more times later.
Why rush sex? You have a bright future ahead of you-- why risk it now? Sexuality is wonderful, but it should be a slow, gentle unveiling. Trying to hurry breaks things. You have all the time in the world. Take it easy.
You're not going to miss out by not having sex early-- and having sex in high school or before is certainly early.
When you do have sex, make sure you do it for the right reasons. Sexuality is an extremely personal and extremely important part of who we are. It is in your own best interests to understand how your body works and functions emotionally. Sexuality is complex and cannot be contained in a single article; I have done my best to give you quality esources where you can find accurate information about your body and relationships.