Technically, a "virgin" is someone who has never had sexual intercourse. However, as discussed in When Am I Ready?, virginity encompasses several ideas about waiting for all sexual activity--petting and oral sex included. But virginity isn't saying no to sex so much as saying yes to a full life.
Virgins don't think sex is bad; to virgins, sex is worth the wait. Most virgins plan on having sex; they're just waiting for someone special. Virgins are not frigid, non-sexual creatures from an alien planet. A virgin simply has not yet engaged in sexual activity.
We all have sexual desire. We express desire in different ways; virgins realize sexual desire doesn't have to be expressed whenever there is opportunity. While sexual activity can be an incredibly positive experience, virgins recognize it can be just as negative under the wrong circumstances. Think of virginity like going to college: yes, you can get a job with a high school diploma-- and college is harder, extra work-- but ultimately, by postponing satisfaction a little while (getting a job in this case), one likely ends up with something much better. Of course, virginity doesn't guarantee a good life, but it does promise:
Virginity can be difficult, but most would agree it's easier than teenage parenthood. And sexual purity isn't intended to last forever; however, it is important to wait until you are mature enough to understand. Although it can be hard to abstain, most find their experience worth the wait. This isn't so for those who rush ahead.
Besides, there are plenty of fun activities that aren't sexual: going to the movies, sharing a candlelit dinner, taking long walks on the beach, staring into each other's eyes, hiking at a state park, miniature golf, talking, kissing-- you will only get bored if you refuse to be creative.
Most people who start having sex are not in long-term, serious, committed relationships. Instead, they probably have dated about six months, are seriously curious about sex, and "love" the person (really just like, see What is love?). Unfortunately, after sex the romance disappears. These people discover their partners will have nothing to do with them.
Many teenage sexual encounters are unplanned. Often, at least one party isn't sure something is going to happen until it does. This is dangerous. Sexual activity should not be this way. Discuss all sexual activities with your partner prior to doing anything. This can be uncomfortable, but if it's too hard to talk about, you definitely shouldn't be doing it.
Sadly, many people say yes to sex because they don't know how to say no, or aren't comfortable doing so. You have every right to control what happens to your body. You are in charge of what happens to you. No guy or girl has a right to force you to do anything. You have a right to decide what you are comfortable with, and limit yourself to that.
Saying no is easiest if you don't get involved with people you have to refuse. If you take time to get acquainted first, you'll know more about each other, be closer emotionally, and deal with sexual pressure much easier. Of course, it's still probably best to avoid prolonged periods alone together-- if parents are home, just not in the room, no problem, but an empty house is an awful lot of temptation...
However, if you've taken time to really get to know each other, and respect each other, awesome. Enjoy your relationship! Too often we focus on getting things in life, forgetting to enjoy what we already have. (Hey, here's another reason not to have sex: many people think by engaging in sexual activity, sexual desire will go away. While short-term that may be true, long-term these people end up requiring increasing amounts of activity to satisfy them, and often feel even more sexual desire than before.)
Avoiding possible sexual situations with casual dating is a bit trickier, but it's still pretty easy: until you really know him or her, don't be alone together (in a car, a deserted room, or especially his house.) If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, you have every right to leave. No one has a right to force himself (or herself) on you, and you don't "owe" anyone anything, no matter what he or she has done for you or what he or she says. You have no business dealing with someone who thinks otherwise.
Clearly state your limits calmly but firmly. If he or she won't stop, do what you can to escape. Once you get away, break up with him (her). He or she doesn't share your beliefs about the preciousness of sex; this is unacceptable. He/she won't change. If he/she really respected you, he/she wouldn't have done it in the first place. There is someone out there who can appreciate you for who you are. Don't endanger yourself with someone who can't.
A lot of teens worry about "missing out" sexually, but making the most of every moment doesn't mean you need to fret about sex. Many virgins fear they'll die before they engage in intercourse, but think of the years ahead: sexual opportunity will not disappear. Only an STD can ruin your chances, and virgins don't need to worry about those.
The fear of "missing out" is caused by the perception that teenage sex is one big party. However, most teens are not having sex, and many who do regret it. Second, of those who do, look at their situations: often they have a long-term relationship with someone they love. Your situation may not be the same, and that's the heart of the issue: you're not in the same situation. With any subject as universal as sexuality, there are bound to be exceptions to any generalization. Yes, some teens enjoy sex-- but not as many as say so; many are "all talk and no game." Also, just because someone makes a choice that works for them does not mean it will work for you. Most teens don't have sex or regret it, and those who do enjoy engaging in sexual activity are usually in stable, committed relationships.
In life you will be tested by the great variety of beliefs in this world. Some will make you question what is true, and you must decide for yourself what is valid, but remember: what's good for others may not be good for you. If your life dream has been to wait for someone you love, but you get tired of waiting and decide to try casual sex, you will be disappointed. Don't sell out your beliefs. It's easy to get laid, if that's what you want-- but if you've set your heart on love first, only by waiting will you find happiness.
Sex can be something really big or really small. You get what you put into it. If your first sexual encounters are relatively anonymous, quick, and characterized by heavy use of drugs, they won't be very satisfying. If you discipline yourself and hold back waiting for the right person, you can achieve the sex of dreams.
How do you know when the time is right? If you plan on waiting for marriage, the answer is easy: marriage. However, this is not an acceptable choice for everyone. Does this mean you should have sex whenever? No.
It takes tremendous responsibility and maturity from the time your reproductive organs are ready to reproduce to the time you are emotionally prepared to use them. Sexual activity is like financial independence: yes, some teens are independent at 13, 14, or 16, but few of them are happy, and their lives are difficult. Of course, we all want to be independent sometimes, but we hold back because we know it's best to wait, and we will get our chances someday. Age does matter. There is an incredible maturity difference between 16 and 26, but at 16 you can't see that.
If you don't plan on waiting until you are married, it's still probably best to abstain from sexual activity during high school. Some couples can handle it, but many can't. Especially if you don't have anyone special, why give in? At the very least, be sure you won't regret it if you would happen to meet the person you really wanted to wait for later.
Even if you find someone you absolutely love, restrain yourself awhile (see What Is Love?). Make sure it's love. Learn to appreciate the little things. A kiss or innocent caress can be as intimate and fulfilling as something much more sexual. You can express yourself sexually without moving farther physically; just be creative. Don't fall into the "love is sex" trap. If you can retain and enjoy a loving relationship without sexual activity, not only will you appreciate sex more later in life, but you will be more successful in your future relationships.
Virginity may not be an easy choice, but it's certainly the wrong choice to make because somebody else says so. Virginity means respecting yourself and caring so much for your future partner that you want what's best for both of you and you're willing to sacrifice a few nonessentials for something much better. Virginity frees you from sexual worry and lets you make more choices in life; it doesn't hold you back. And there are plenty of other virgins out there: the majority, in fact, at least until college. But don't rush into sexual activity in high school, or especially junior high, because chances are, much later, you'll find out that by trying not to miss anything you really did miss out big.
Remember, sexual activity includes more than just sex (see When Am I Ready?).
The answer seems so simple: wait. Indeed, it is simple. But simple doesn't always mean easy. It's hard enough to say no to sex on your own-- we all have sexual desire-- but it's even harder to back down when society screams at us to say yes. Stand up to the pressure. It's your life. After carefully weighing the facts, decide what's best for you and stick with it. A lot of people sell themselves short sexually. If you want the best experience possible, if you want to share it with that most special someone-- go for it! But often sexual activity is not the way to "go for it"; it's just a distraction on the way to finding what you really want.
The question is not whether you'll have sex someday: if you want to, you will. The question is: with whom?